i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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