I think my vagina is haunted
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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