I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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