She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
