I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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