So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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