I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
