We're like a lot better than the average bears
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
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Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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