i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
