I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
