smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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