I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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