why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This baby is an asshole
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
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