Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
