now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize