Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
