connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
