...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
