You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
