I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
