Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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