So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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