How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I checked into jail on foursquare
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
