he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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