After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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