i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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