Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
