well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
