Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
