Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
