We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
