There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
