he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize