i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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