dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
