week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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