im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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