I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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