yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
