My brain says no but my pants say off.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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