Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
