i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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