Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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