I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
