Kiss
Puke
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
