There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
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I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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