remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
