I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!