i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part