tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike