I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
