Michael Bay diarrhea
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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