My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
