Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you win again, gameday.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
