He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
