There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
