I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
