Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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