Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
