Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize