Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize