I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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