We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Success! We fucked roommates!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
