god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
