I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
