He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
