Christians are straight up FREAKS
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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