So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
