The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
