It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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