so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
