i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize