Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
