Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Randomize
