also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Your penis caused this!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
