my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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