'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
