is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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