i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
