he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
