the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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