I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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