She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
