I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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