Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
