I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's never too late to be topless.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
