i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
