My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Damn victory sex feels great
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
