she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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