i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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